Episode 100

How Losing Her Voice Helped Her Find Herself

Have you ever had a moment where life completely flips on you?

Where you are doing your best, showing up, trying to hold everything together, and then something happens that makes you rethink who you are and how you move through the world.

That is exactly what happened to this week’s guest, Denise Cesare, a keynote speaker and SEL specialist who literally lost her voice after a neurological condition triggered by a car accident. Not metaphorically. Her actual voice.

Imagine going through university unable to speak clearly, getting told you are fine when you know something is wrong and trying to function while feeling misunderstood. Denise knows that reality first-hand.

What makes her story powerful is not the challenge she faced, but the strength she discovered in the process. She rebuilt her identity through intuition, mindfulness, music and small acts of self love that helped her get through the hardest moments.

In this episode we talk about:

• What it feels like when people dismiss what you are going through

• Why trusting your instincts is one of the biggest skills you need in adulthood

• How music became emotional therapy when speaking was difficult

• How to build emotional playlists that actually support you

• Why mindfulness is not about being perfect or calm all the time

• Small habits that can shift your mindset on difficult days

• Three things she wishes every student knew

• Her belief poem, which is grounding and honestly worth saving in your notes app

If you are dealing with stress, burnout, loneliness, identity changes or your brain has just been doing too much lately, this episode is going to make you feel a lot less alone.

About Denise:

Denise Cesare is a published author, keynote speaker and social emotional learning specialist with more than 25 years of experience. After losing her voice due to spasmodic dysphonia, she rebuilt her life through mindfulness, music and presence. She now speaks on emotional regulation, wellbeing, kindness and confidence.


Website: https://www.denisecesare.com/

Transcript
Speaker:

(Upbeat Music)

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Campus Chronicles is the ultimate podcast

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for college students seeking real

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stories, honest advice and empowering

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insights to thrive in

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student life and beyond.

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Hosted by Brooke Young and the Campus

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Chronicles team, this weekly show

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features inspiring interviews, practical

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tips and conversations that tackle the

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challenges, wins and personal growth that

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comes with university life.

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Perfect for college students, campus

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leaders and young adults looking to make

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the most of their

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journey, one episode at a time.

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Subscribe now on Apple Podcast, Spotify

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or YouTube and join the community

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redefining what it means

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to thrive in university.

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(Upbeat Music)

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Denise, I am tremendously happy to have

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you here as we dive in, what is your

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Campus Chronicles story?

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Well, Brooke, I'm going to tell you my

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route of both being in college was not

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the same route as everyone else, I

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started later in life, but I want to read

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something that I read to my

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son when he started college.

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So if everyone, I have to say, I want to

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read it correctly, so I'm gonna read it

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from the paper, it's live by F.

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Scotts Fitzgerald.

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And in his dorm room, I read this.

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For what it's worth, it's never too late

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or in my case too early to

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be whoever you want to be.

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There is no time limit,

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stop whenever you want.

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You can change or stay the same, there

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are no rules to this thing.

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We can make the best or the worst of it.

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I hope you make the best of it and I hope

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you see things that startled you.

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I hope you feel things

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you never felt before.

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I hope you meet people with

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a different point of view.

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I hope you live a life you're proud of.

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And if you find that you're not, I hope

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you have the courage

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to start all over again.

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And I just got chills reading that

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because every year that he was in

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college, I wish someone would have read

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that to me, you know, but I read that to

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him every year since then when he in

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2021, he was in the COVID college days,

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so we have a lot that

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we could talk about.

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So that's my Canvas Chronicle story.

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Well, thank you for your mom wisdom.

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I think we can all take

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some good mom wisdom sometimes.

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Yes, absolutely.

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Denise, there's something so beautiful

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about your story, your story of losing

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your voice and finding it again.

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For me, my voice is a huge part of my

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identity because I'm a

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professional voice user.

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I'm a broadcaster, I'm a singer, and I

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can't imagine the emotions you went

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through losing your voice.

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For those that are not

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aware, tell the story.

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So in May 2006, I am a

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speech language pathologist.

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That is my profession.

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And in 2006, I was in a car accident

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which triggered a neurological voice

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condition called spasmodic dysphonia.

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I still do not have a voice.

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What you're hearing now is my Botox

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injections giving me the voice because my

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vocal fold spasm and the Botox kind of

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paralyzes them so we can speak.

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So that was very ironic for someone who

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is in a field or a profession that you

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have to help others with

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their speech losing my voice.

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So that was a very heavy time in my life.

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What emotions did you go through

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realizing you didn't have a voice?

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I think what happens first.

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So I had kind of gradually crept up.

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It wasn't like an immediate, oh my

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goodness, I just lost my voice.

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Over time, it started

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becoming choked and hard to phonate.

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So then there's the process of not really

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understanding what you have.

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That's another thing to discuss.

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Maybe you don't know what's going on.

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So I really didn't know at first but then

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going to the professionals and doctors

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thinking, I had some

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reflux, it's in your mind.

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You're having that.

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And then I said, hmm,

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I've been in school.

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I know what's going on.

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I am not able to make sounds.

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So that whole journey of, you don't know

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what you don't know but you have to, my

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point that I want to make to the

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listeners is that you must listen to your

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gut instinct because if I didn't listen

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to myself, we may not be here today

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having this conversation.

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I think that's so important because it's

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really easy to set aside your intuition

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and to set aside your gut feeling

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especially when professionals and people

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are telling you to your

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point, it's in your mind.

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And your voice being that it's your

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profession but it's also our way of

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expressing ourselves.

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It's our way of connecting and having

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community with other human beings.

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Did you feel as you went through this

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period of vocal loss,

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did you feel isolated?

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What was going on in your mental health?

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So that, I want to talk about that.

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So during that time I had a

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son who was six years old.

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So, you know, you kind of have to move

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around to it because you're raising a

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child to your the example.

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And I personally had to push through it

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because I was going to

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work every day as well.

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So I didn't have time to really,

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but yeah, what's the word?

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I didn't have time to

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always think about it.

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So I think that was a good thing that I

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had a lot of things that I needed to do

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and I made them the forefront of it.

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I made them my light to get through it.

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But there was some envy times because it

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was very frustrating when people couldn't

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understand me or people trying to like at

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work, they didn't understand.

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And then for myself, actually wrapping my

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head around that I have a disability.

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I have a voice disorder, but you know,

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sometimes you don't want to accept

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something, but I worked with

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students who had disabilities.

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So there's a reason that this, this

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synchronicity happens so I could actually

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help them more and help them better.

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Did you struggle to accept it at first?

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Oh, of course.

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You know, what is this?

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Why me, right?

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Everyone wants to say

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who I mean, but why not me?

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Look at all the things that-- That's

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actually a powerful question.

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Why not me?

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Why not me?

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Look at all these powerful things that

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came to me and threw me because of it.

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But if I didn't look for

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it, I wouldn't have found it.

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So that's another thing

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the listeners need to know.

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Yes, it was heavy.

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Yes, I was annoyed.

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But if I didn't have this voice disorder,

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I wouldn't have created all these things

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that I have created up until this point.

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Based on what you said, I

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have a curiosity question.

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What have you learned about yourself

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through having the voice disorder that

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you didn't know before you got it?

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Well, I didn't know how powerful I was.

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I'm pretty powerful.

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And I don't mean power

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where you take people down.

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I mean power within myself, power to

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overcome, courage to heal.

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Healing is a process.

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So I didn't know I had all

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that strength or self-love.

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Self-love is what got me through this.

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I do talk about that I think, you think

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that someone could get

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you through or something.

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Like I always believed that it was my son

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that got me through the dark

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times of not having my voice.

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But no, it was my self-love.

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Without self-love, I would

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have never gotten through it.

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So that's a key, another key element.

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Self-love first, because that's how you

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will find the glimmer of light.

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So you would say

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self-love was your compass.

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Yes, but I didn't know.

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That's another thing.

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I did not know that I was really

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practicing self-love.

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When I look back now and I review

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everything that I did, of course, but I

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didn't know it at the time.

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I would say, oh, I'm

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doing this for my son.

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Oh, I'm doing this for the student.

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No, it was about self-love of me.

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What were the things you were doing that

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were acts of self-love essentially?

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So first, what I did, I do love music.

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Music is a healer.

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Music is a tool.

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Music is universal.

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Music soothed my soul.

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It helped my brain.

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So mind, body, and spirit.

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People don't realize that music is not

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just, well, it's an art form, but it's

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also scientifically based.

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There's the intonations of sounds and the

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vagus nerve in your brain.

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There's necranial nerves in your brain

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and the vagus nerves controls all of,

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from your head to your gut.

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So these things are so important to know

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that music, art form is beautiful, but

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the other scientific rhythms, the beat,

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even think about the heartbeat in the

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womb, the heartbeat.

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There's something to me.

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So music, music was one of the tools.

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Another tool, how I

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knew I was using self-love

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is I would smile at myself every morning.

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It may sound wacky.

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I don't know what we wanna call it, but

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even to today, what it was so hard,

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because imagine I'd have to get up in the

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morning and after I put my feet on the

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ground because I had to get myself to

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school and then get to work, where they

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really didn't want me there.

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Sounds sad, but they were trying not to

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have me stay there because I had some

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fight to stay there, but that's another

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whole story, but get to the self-love.

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So I would sit up, I'd smile at myself,

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and then I'd get there

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and I'd smile all day long.

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Was that tiring?

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Yes, but that smiling changed the

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endorphins and the dopamine in my brain.

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So that was another

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component of self-love.

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So the music, the

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smiling, and then mindfulness.

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I wrote a book,

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"Moments Emotion with Love."

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It's all about being present and you

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cannot be present without even, you have

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to take a moment to be present.

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So all of those things gave me the

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strength to move on and the courage.

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Denise, you make me smile.

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And to your point about mindfulness, I'm

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sure you had so much time to explore your

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inner world that maybe you weren't slowed

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down enough or quiet

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enough to hear before.

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Exactly, yes.

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And not, you know, even if you're not

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speaking, we always are thinking, and our

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minds are always racing, right?

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So we have to slow it down, slow down the

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mind, slow down the pace.

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And yes,

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mindfulness is everything.

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I believe that I was able to develop that

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because of everything

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I was going through.

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It took, it takes a process.

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Well, people, you know, they told that

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word around mindfulness, social emotional

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learning, it's a big buzzword, but it is

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a tool that you have to learn to use.

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It just doesn't happen.

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It's not just an immediate thing.

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Oh, I'm mindful today.

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No, you have to really

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practice mindfulness.

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You have to choose

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mindfulness to your point.

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Moment by moment, you can

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start the day quite mindful.

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And then if something goes wrong, you can

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shift to an extremely

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unmindful state pretty quickly.

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It's something that you choose in those

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moments of your life where

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you could go down either path.

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And I don't think we

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discussed that enough.

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No, absolutely.

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Yes, you have to make

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that choice, you're choosing.

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And then every, like I read with about

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life, you make choices and you could

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change and you could do better.

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So yes.

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As a singer, I love to hear that music

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was such a big part of your healing

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journey because you guys are going to get

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to see the really

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geeky part of Burke Young.

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I've studied singing my entire life.

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And I know that from my experience, from

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what I know about singing, if I am

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anxious, if I'm tense, if I'm tight, if

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I'm angry, and I go and warm up and I

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sing, there is an immediate difference to

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the way that I feel, to the way that my

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body feels, to the way that I process.

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Music is so healing.

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How did music aid your journey?

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And was there specific music?

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I would say so.

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Certain songs, now I talk about this a

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lot, that I have a chapter

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in a book called "Let It Be."

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I'm part of a collaborative book called

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"Magnificently Made" where I talk about

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my journey with the music.

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So certain songs would,

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the words, the lyrics, I would actually

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have to go back and read them.

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Like it's amazing, not just the music

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itself, the poetry, that someone's biting

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down their emotions and

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how it was hitting me.

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So certain songs like "Brave" by Sara

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Bareilles or "Let It Be" by The Beatles.

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Fighter, because I was

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fighting a lot, right?

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There was a lot of fighting going on.

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Fighter by Christina Aguilera.

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I was driving home one day from a bad day

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of work, from really feeling down that

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the administration really didn't get it.

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They didn't see that I had a disability

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and that they needed

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to, they compensated me.

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And I heard this song and I said, "Yes,

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thanks for making me a fighter."

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They made me a fighter.

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I had to fight for my life.

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And I'm so, I am so happy that I did

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because I have so much work to do and so

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many things that came to me that if I

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would have let them take me down, maybe

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this world wouldn't be getting all this

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great stuff that I want to share.

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Did you notice that you felt differently

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about music after going through this?

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Did you notice you paid more attention?

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Yes, I did.

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Not only did I, like I

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said, I paid attention.

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If a song hit me, I was always reading

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the words of the song now.

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I even incorporated it into my lessons

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because for children with speech and

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language needs, it opens up a whole world

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because it was fun, right?

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Music's fun.

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I would take a song.

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We would, so if they were working on,

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let's say stuttering or a disfluency,

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they would be able to breathe and we

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would sing the song.

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It worked on a whole

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other level of breath support.

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And then for other students who didn't

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want to read or didn't want to, you know,

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they were resistant to some things, but

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music bridged such a

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gap because they loved it.

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And for me, I always

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looked at it different.

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I always loved music.

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I believe I was a musician

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in my other life somewhere.

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I don't know.

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I was a singer, a songwriter.

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I was working that board.

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I was doing something and my son plays

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every instrument and he could sing.

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So I think I wanted to infuse it in him

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because of my love for it.

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So yeah, it's something.

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And I did feel it differently.

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I felt it more within my body as opposed

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to, you know, just people externally.

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I took it in.

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For university students, they're feeling

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so many emotions, but a lot of times

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you're isolated from your family.

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You're isolated from your childhood

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friends, the people that

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are your support group.

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Finding support in music is such a

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beautiful concept because all you need to

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do is find songs that resonate for you,

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songs that make you feel the emotions

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that sometimes you are even avoiding.

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I know music does that for me.

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What advice do you have regarding finding

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songs that speak to you?

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And when you do find those songs that do

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speak to you, what do you do with it?

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So, you know, it's funny that you're

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saying this because I created a program

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based on my book, you

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know, Mind, Body and Spirit.

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So there's one part of it that's about

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music, how music kills you.

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And I had the students

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make their own daily playlist.

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So now I was, I guess

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they were ahead of me.

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They were ripping out their phones,

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showing me all their songs.

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I was like, oh, you

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have, you have playlists?

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But let's dive deeper.

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Let's pick songs like, what, when you

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feel angry, what music

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do you want to listen to?

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When you feel so excited,

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what do you want to listen to?

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When you're remembering a family member

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or someone who you've lost.

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So I give them these

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prompts to infuse the song.

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So this way they could go to those for

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those emotions and feelings that were

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going on within them.

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So I thought that was a great thing for a

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playlist for your emotions.

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You know, I can

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imagine, I love that concept.

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I'm shocked I've never come up with it

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myself, but I can think if you're going

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through a breakup, a

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particular playlist for that.

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If you're even, let's get real.

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If you're feeling ignored or

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misunderstood, you could really get quite

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niche with this and have as many playlist

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as you need to feel seen.

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Because a lot of times, if you don't feel

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seen by others, the first

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step is to feel seen by you.

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Exactly.

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So yeah, this was something, you know, I

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came up with the, see, because of the

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need for myself, I then forwarded it to

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others and they just, you know, young

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students just ate that up.

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They were loving it and

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they couldn't believe it.

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They're like, wow.

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And I like the step further of taking it,

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you're breaking up with someone.

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Let me make an old breakup list.

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You know, like on

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Spotify, you make your playlists.

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Now we'll be making music healing

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playlists on our Spotify.

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What advice do you have around finding

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songs that resonate?

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Oh, okay.

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So like I said, when I was feeling, you

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know, dark, because there was dark times,

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you know, you have to, you have to have

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dark to find the light.

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Dark and light are kind of, you know,

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this is polar, but without the dark, you

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:

can't find the light.

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So you do need some

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darkness to really find the light.

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So I think when I really liked a song,

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you know, it's funny.

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I did a, I did a talk about a song.

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So there's the song, put a little love in

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your heart, but

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everybody likes the rhythm.

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Put a little, I can't sing, but you can.

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Put a little love in your heart and the

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world will be a better

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:

place for you and me.

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Can't you see?

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But when I read it to

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them, people started crying.

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Like the power of music is way

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:

beyond the scope of the beat.

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You know, we love the beat.

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The beat makes us ooh, ooh,

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but when I read those words,

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the woman comes to me, she goes, I didn't

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know those words were in that song.

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I always liked it, but I didn't know why

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I said, so my advice to anyone who's

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listening to music or likes a song, why

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did that song hit you?

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And are the lyrics going

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to talk to you further?

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Will the lyrics speak to you?

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Or maybe then you won't like it.

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You might not like it.

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You might not.

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You might say, ooh, what

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:

were they trying to say?

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So it's not a bad thing to come be in

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:

touch with things that

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you don't like as well.

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You're allowed to not like something.

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:

I believe it was Adele, this is

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:

attributed to, but I could be wrong.

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:

And I may very well may be wrong.

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:

Something along the lines

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:

of music really speaks when,

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:

I'm struggling to come up with a quote,

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:

but basically music speaks when there's

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:

nothing else left to say, right?

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:

And Adele has said that much more

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:

gracefully than I said that.

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Do you agree in your experience and in

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your journey that music was a form of

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:

communication for you when you didn't

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:

know how to communicate?

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:

I think it was a therapy.

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I believe I used it as a therapy.

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And I believe it definitely bridged that

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gap when there was no way to communicate.

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It bridged something within me.

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With others, I used it with my students.

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I think it did so much even being with my

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son, I would play music and I think I

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used it, even though you have to look

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:

back and say, wow, I did do that.

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I used music as my healer.

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Now I have a

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:

challenging question for you.

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Are you up for it?

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:

I'm up for it.

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:

Okay, I like to see it.

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:

So if you were going to give three pieces

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:

of advice to university-age students,

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:

what would those

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:

three pieces of advice be?

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:

Okay, so I would first say, always

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believe in your gut feeling.

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Trust your gut, number one.

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If you think it's wrong, it's wrong.

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Number two,

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:

have fun.

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Not too much fun.

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Have fun, be joyful.

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Have responsible fun.

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Have responsible fun.

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:

Be joyful, be joyful.

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Joy doesn't cause problems.

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Joy is just within

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:

your child-like behavior.

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Be joyful.

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:

And like I said, the last one is things

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will happen and things can change.

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Have the courage to move forward.

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:

So yeah, so those three things.

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I found your message very

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:

healing today for two reasons.

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:

Number one, I went through a physical

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:

change recently that I had

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:

a very hard time accepting.

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:

And then secondly, as somebody who has

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:

loved music, it's so hard to explain what

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:

it does for your body and

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:

what it does for your soul.

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:

And to hear on this much bigger level

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:

than I've experienced, what it's done for

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:

you, is exactly what I wanted to convey

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:

to students, is that music, even if you

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:

feel alone, you feel isolated, you really

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:

are not because music is there with you.

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:

And there are people that have felt your

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:

feelings before that have

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:

turned them into an art.

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:

I love that so much.

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:

We were meant to be in this conversation

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:

today because the world is fragile and we

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:

need to have the self-love.

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:

That's the way to get through it.

623

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Find the light, self-love, because you

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:

can't love anyone else

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:

without loving yourself.

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:

There is no way.

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:

So music is a self-love healer.

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:

And it's a beautiful tool that can be

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:

used in really any circumstance.

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:

I love that.

631

:

I love that we're talking about it

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:

because it really is what healed me.

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:

It really is.

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:

And people might say, "Oh, try it."

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:

I'm gonna say, "I'm

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:

gonna give them a challenge.

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:

Try it.

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:

Try it out."

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:

Whatever resonates for you,

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:

try it and see what it does.

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:

And I wanna say- Make your playlist.

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:

Yes, make your playlist and good.

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:

As Nisha's, you wanna get

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:

as crazy as you want to.

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:

I wanna say thank you for sharing just

646

:

the depth and the

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:

vulnerability of your story today.

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:

If someone wants to follow you on

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:

socials, where do they go?

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:

Okay, so Instagram is

651

:

the thing for the college.

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:

I'm not on TikTok.

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:

Sorry, college students.

654

:

No, I'm not TikTokging.

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:

But Instagram,

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:

Denise starts- She's

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:

Instagramming, though.

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:

Instagramming, which I do like Instagram

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:

because you can learn a lot.

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:

So it's Denise at Caesar, it's my name.

661

:

It's Caesar, you'll see C-E-S-A-R-E.

662

:

It's Cesar, right?

663

:

But Caesar- And we'll put it in the show

664

:

notes, you guys, if you

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:

struggle with spelling like me.

666

:

Yes.

667

:

And then I also have Fits Everybody.

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:

I am also about empowering women and

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:

feeling good in the skin that they're in.

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:

So I'm on Fits Everybody too.

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:

You can find me on Facebook, Denise

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:

Caesar, or Moments in Motion with Love,

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:

which is my book that's

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:

all about the mindfulness.

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:

So yes, but my website would be a good

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:

place to see everything that

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:

I'm doing, DeniseCaesar.com.

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:

Yes, the website sounds like the perfect

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:

place for everyone to go.

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:

It's the perfect place, exactly.

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:

You could find everything.

682

:

You can find the- Nice and easy.

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:

I like easy, yeah.

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:

I like easy too.

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:

Well, thank you for being here.

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:

Thank you for sharing this and just

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:

having this beautiful

688

:

conversation with me.

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:

I know I and all of our

690

:

listeners appreciate it.

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:

Before we go, can I do my belief poem

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:

with you so everyone can take this with

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:

them if they listen back?

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:

Sure. So I have in my book, There's a Belief

695

:

Poem because I affirm the reader, but if

696

:

you don't believe it, it's not gonna zick

697

:

about the self love we talked, right?

698

:

So here we go, believe.

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:

I am loved.

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:

I am light.

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:

I am courage.

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:

I am bright.

703

:

I am brave.

704

:

I am so important in this

705

:

moment and all of you are.

706

:

Thank you for sharing that.

707

:

Those words are nourishing.

708

:

They're beautiful.

709

:

It's part of my book and I'll have to get

710

:

you one and anyone who listens here, if

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:

they wanna reach out, I'll get them.

712

:

If they wanna send me their emails, I'll

713

:

send them a bookmark.

714

:

Well, thank you so much.

715

:

I will send them a bookmark.

716

:

Well, thank you for

717

:

coming on and sharing with us.

718

:

I know all of our

719

:

listeners appreciate it.

720

:

And thank you so much everybody for

721

:

listening to another episode of the

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:

Campus Chronicles podcast.

723

:

So if today's episode gave you life,

724

:

perspective, or just a much needed moment

725

:

to breathe in a busy world, I don't want

726

:

you to keep it to yourself.

727

:

Share it, tag us, please send it to a

728

:

friend who needs to hear it.

729

:

And if you're not on our

730

:

newsletter yet, what are you doing?

731

:

Go to

732

:

campuschroniclespod.com and join the crew.

733

:

We have all the behind the scenes things,

734

:

unfiltered thoughts from me and the team,

735

:

bonus resources and Insider only invites

736

:

to events, giveaways and things that we

737

:

really don't post anywhere else.

738

:

I promise I'm not gonna spam you.

739

:

It's just the good stuff

740

:

straight to your inbox.

741

:

Being in university is wild enough.

742

:

You don't need to

743

:

miss out on what matters.

744

:

Sign up now and let's make this next

745

:

semester the one that you stop

746

:

surviving and start thriving.

747

:

Until next time, stay bold, stay curious,

748

:

keep writing your own chapter.

749

:

This is Campus Chronicles.

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About the Podcast

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Campus Chronicles
Campus Chronicles

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About your host

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Brooke Young

Brooke Young is a multi-passionate publicist, lifestyle TV host, public speaking mentor, and communication consultant. She works with a wide range of clients across the globe, and across a diverse range of industries, to help them create, develop, and promote powerful messages through heart-centered storytelling. Additionally, as a Lifestyle Expert and TV Host, she is passionate about sharing solutions and products that make everyone's lives happier and healthier. She has formerly worked On-Air with FOX Sports, competed in the Miss America Organization, and is the Author of a Children's Book. She has over a decade of professional performing background and loves sharing stories that truly matter.